During the last two weeks I have witnessed one of the saddest events I have encountered in my sixty-two years of life. I have been going to watch my daughter coach our local travel ball softball team in nearby towns involving 13 and 14 year old girls. Travel ball is a new thing in our community for girls of any age - so it has been fun to watch them progress from playing in a state of confusion on the field to what could become a very good girls softball team if they had more games on the schedule to play. Her team lost its first four games, but has won three of the last four with four games to go. All the other towns around have travel ball for girls beginning as young as 8 years of age and they all have good high school girls softball teams. As you would expect our little community does not do as well and usually finishes near the bottom of the conference at the end of the high school season.

I have noticed at each of these contest just before the first game begins a particular scene unfolds. I see a father arrive in a car by himself, unload his lawn chair out of the trunk, and make his way around the ball field to a spot along the fence where he can see every move his daughter makes. He cheers loudly for her whether she does good or bad. It doesn't make any difference to him how she plays - he just wants to assure her he is there supporting her. When the games are finished for the evening she will make her way over to where he is sitting and give him a big hug. During the short time they have to share that evening - they only have eyes for one another. When it is time for the father or daughter to leave, he always whispers, "I love you" and she does the same in return.

I am an observer of people and situations and have given this event much thought in the past week as I watch this same scene unfold at the conclusion of each night's contest. I see the sadness in the eyes of the father and daughter and I wonder what in the world was going through the minds of her mother and father when they allowed this situation to escalate to the point where they were willing to sacrifice their family so one or the other of them could control the other or for that person to have their way. I have come to the conclusion following my observations of this terribly sad situation that 'SELFISHNESS' not the 'LACK OF LOVE' for one another is the real culprit that created the scene that plays before my eyes following each ball game. SELFISHNESS is nothing more than one person feebly trying to exert control over the will of another person, and if selfishness is allowed to get out of control in a marriage for very long it will destroy the love that brought them together - and usually results in separation and divorce. Have you thought of this? SELFISHNESS couldn't get a foothold in a marriage if the parents really thought about its destructive nature and what their selfish actions were going to do to their family. If parents truly understood how much emotional pain, suffering, and financial hardship their selfishness was going to bring them in the near future - they would slam the door in its face the first time it came calling. But selfish people do not understand they are selfish - they call themselves strong willed. In reality, selfish people are controlling people and it takes divine intervention to change the spiritual makeup of a selfish person.

I am also reminded of a particular scripture as I watch their display of affection for one another block everything else out for the short time they are together, "Let not man tear asunder what God has joined together." When we receive a warning such as this from God - He is telling us if we ignore His warning and do what He has told us not to do - it will have a devastating effect upon our life and we are going to enter into a time of suffering from which we may never recover. When a man and woman are married they become one in spirit - and when children are born to that man and woman they are partakers of both of those natures - and when we allow that 'one in spirit' to be separated, divorced, or divided by selfishness - terrible inner pain results. We may never have thought of this in this way, "external injuries heal with time" but the healing process for wounds to our "inner person/spirit/soul begins when we become willing to forgive the other person for the wrong they have done to us".

When we see a person weeping and wailing over something that has happened to them that doesn't require immediate medical attention to their physical body - we are witnessing that person's soul letting us know through their external outlets that there is something very wrong on the inside that can't be seen with the physical eye. To see people in such a bad situation is sad, very sad, but we see it all too often, even among our friends - and maybe it has happened to us. If we are a victim of such wounding, or maybe the person who did the wounding - I want to let you know there is help for you. Jesus said in Matthew 11:28-30 "Come unto me, all you who are heavily burdened (suffering from inner wounds) and I will give you rest (healing for your spirit person).Take my yoke upon you, and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls." A wounded soul or spirit has no rest. The pain the wounded soul or spirit feels controls our thought life causing us to lose sleep at night, and the majority of people who do not understand what has happened to them will do whatever it takes to stop the hurting. Some people turn to alcohol, others turn to drugs and fornication to try and stop the pain. But all of these are nothing more than a persons attempt to apply a temporary fix to a problem that resides deep within them where no external application can reach. Just as soon as the alcohol, drugs, or sexual euphoria wears off -  the pain is still there just as potent as ever. Take the advice of our Lord and become a soul at rest. If your spirit has been ripped from its other half through divorce or separation regardless of whose fault it was - forgive them, turn to the one who is the great Physician and allow Him to heal your inner person spiritually. Medicines can relieve the pain of the natural body, but forgiveness is the healing balm of our inner person. OTBP